Trial By Fire: Michael Laughlin

He defied even greater odds this time to return to the Kingston Fire Department. But there’s more… shortly after his 30th birthday, he came home to find that his girlfriend had taken her own life, a tragedy that saw his grief turn into a battle with addiction. His book, Untapped 60, offers an honest and unfiltered account of his journey to here. Mike joined thrive publisher Jeff Tiessen for an exclusive interview about his trials and triumphs and where they have led him.

thrive: Your book is about turning adversity into growth and self-discovery. It’s really honest and you didn’t shy away from sharing about pain and struggle and vulnerability in your life. The name, Untapped 60, where did that come from and who’s the book for?

Laughlin: It's been said - not scientifically proven - that when you're at your worst, you can give up or you can dig deeper. Some believe that there's 60 more percent to dig into to keep going. For me, laying in a ditch, there was that moment when I was like, “Okay, that's it.” I wanted to close my eyes and just give up. But somehow, I tapped into that 60 percent. It’s there. I know it is. I've done it.

Who’s the book for? My goal is to share with anyone how to dig into that 60 percent when times are really hard, or at their worst. Some people just need a nudge. They don't realize that they have the capability to get started on the right path.

thrive: Raised on a farm, you've said that your love for horsepower and steel began as a young kid. Anything with an engine! Then, ironically I suppose, the freedom of a motorcycle is what took your leg from you, right?

Laughlin: Actually, it was a deer. I was riding, still light out, on a Kingston back road. It's known to have a lot of wildlife, so I wasn’t going fast. I saw a flash of brown coming out of the ditch. It ran right into the side of me, putting me into a speed wobble. I got control of the bike again but a 90-degree turn in the road was right on me. My back tire caught the loose gravel and the bike shot out from under me. I bounced off the road into a deep ditch. My leg snapped at the knee. The bike landed on top of me.

I remember thinking, “I've done it again” because I'd been in a bad accident once before. I thought I was going to die in that first one. Surviving that one, I was gonna fight until I couldn't go anymore. One leg is holding on by some skin. There's blood. I used my belt for a tourniquet. I found my phone and called the fire department. I screamed, “I'm in the ditch on Northshore Road at the end. If I go unconscious, that’s where I am. Come get me”. Seventeen minutes later they were there. I had thrown bike parts and my helmet up onto the road to help them find me. When I heard the sirens, I thought, “Okay, I might make it through this.”

But while waiting in agony, a car stopped and a little old lady came to the edge of the road and looked down. It was a pretty gory scene. She climbed down the ditch and put her arms around me. It's exactly what I needed. I was alone in a ditch telling fire dispatch to tell my family “I love them. I'm gonna die.” She changed everything. I speak about her often… telling others to be that person that she was for me. If you have a chance to stop and help someone, stop and help. You could change everything in that moment for them.

Laughlin: It was. When the ambulance’s back doors opened up at the hospital, and this still chokes me up, there was a human tunnel of fire department personnel waiting for me. As my gurney wheeled past them, everybody said their thing to me. And at the end was the Fire Chief who leaned over and said: “Mike, no matter what happens, you'll always have a job at Kingston Fire.” Wow, right? I was a thirty-something-year-old man thinking I had just ruined my entire life… and not the first time that I’d thought that, but that this time I'd really done it. I really needed to hear that at that moment.

thrive: After your leg was amputated, did a different reality ever occur to you… maybe that promise might be hard to keep considering your profession?

Laughlin: Absolutely. Everyone sees my leg injuries, but I also broke my neck in two spots and my back in three. When the doctor said, “Mike, we’re going to amputate your leg”, I cried and grieved with my family for about an hour and then said to myself: “Okay, I can't change this outcome. It's happening whether I like it or not.” But it was an immediate new identity for me. I wasn't Mike Laughlin, the hockey player, the firefighter, anymore. That's who I was.

thrive: But today you still are a firefighter. What did that road back look like?

Laughlin: For me, I was Mike Laughlin the amputee with something to prove. My prosthesis represented more than a mobility device. It was a renewed sense of purpose and passion. When I found out that there was no such thing as a full-time, above-knee amputee firefighter, I told the chief, “We gotta get this done. I want to be a firefighter again.” And he replied, “Well, it's never been done before. It's a tricky situation, but if you can pass the physical test that you did when you started, you can keep your job.”

I trained my butt off. The guys at the department trained with me every day. I destroyed the test! I wanted it so badly.

thrive: So, this is pass or fail; there’s no participation badge here. There must have been so much on the line for you?

Laughlin: My entire identity was at stake. “Am I still Mike Laughlin, the firefighter?” If I failed, I felt like I’d be seen as a failure. So, when I got the news, it was like getting my life back. And my identity changed again, but this time it included my new leg as my power, my superpower.

thrive: Working backwards in time to other trauma in your life before becoming an amputee, in your book you wrote about Jen, your girlfriend who took her own life. You’re very honest about it, and particularly about the spiral of addiction that ensued. You write about finding your way forward through self-awareness and self-care. How did you cultivate resilience in that tragic time in your life?

Laughlin: It was the lowest time of my life for sure. Not only did I feel guilty for what happened, and I know I’m not supposed to, but at the time I felt like it was my fault. I let it happen. I let someone I loved, lived with, commit suicide. I’d been addicted to painkillers after my first accident, a horrific snowmobile crash, and I fell off the wagon because I didn't know how to deal with it. I couldn’t mask it like some people do.

With substance abuse, it's a lot about not dealing with things properly. No exception with me. I spiraled out of control to the point where I got arrested for buying illegal painkillers. And you think that’s rock bottom, and then there's a trap door, another rock bottom. And I'm a firefighter, right? I'm supposed to be helping the community.

My friends and family intervened. I needed someone to wake me up. I decided to change my life and started doing little things to get back on track. I started training again, working out, eating properly, phoning a friend, staying in the right lane. Back to basics.

Laughlin: I was in a rehab hospital learning how to be an amputee. After my physio one morning I was out for a little hallway stroll in my wheelchair. No prosthetic leg, down to about 150 pounds, a neck brace and no shirt. I looked like Joe Dirt in a wheelchair.

I'm a 36-year-old single guy. I stopped in front of a room and there she was… the most beautiful woman I've ever seen showering a palliative care patient with kind, caring words and compliments. I thought, “This can't be real, an angel too?”

I got caught watching her. We made some small talk. I got her name, headed to my room, looked her up on Facebook, and messaged her. I think that’s called creeping. I took a shot and asked her for a date. She accepted, I figured to humour me. It didn’t go well. She completely ghosted me for two months afterward… and then I got a second date, a second chance. Her condition: “This time maybe just pump the brakes a little bit, Mike.” I did and we were married two years later. We have a seven-year-old boy, and Angela had a daughter when I met her, who’s high-school age now.

Yeah, honestly, all the things that I went through from amputation, PTSD, depression, drug addiction, and everything in between, ultimately led to meeting Angela and now living my best life. I love my new life. Maybe it was the right place at the right time.

thrive: I often ask my podcast guests about “resilience”. It can mean something very different to different people. How about for you, what does that word mean to you?

Laughlin: Resilience. I mean, it's something that was instilled in me at a young age, with living on a farm and working hard every day. There are always setbacks. Learning how to keep going. In firefighting, when you get to a call, not everything's going to go your way. But you still have to find a way to fix the problem. Firefighters can't call someone else. We have to keep going until we find the answer. Never giving up. It's just always been part of my life.

thrive: What’s on the horizon for you… any new projects or adventures?

Laughlin: The biggest change is my life is speaking… I've been doing a ton of public speaking, keynotes. I went professional this year. It's more than just getting up on stage and speaking though. Selling myself or asking for money is the tough part for me. I’m learning and getting better at it.

And I’m still working on Untapped 60, growing the website, and putting a lot of work into the courses. And I’m keeping up my jujitsu twice a week. It's humbling, not something that I was good at, and still not. And I coach my son's baseball team. That's a lot of fun too. He starts hockey this year, which is going to be great. I'm going to be a hockey dad. Life's great.



Learn more about Mike and his book at untapped60.com, and his professional speaking at michaellaughlinspeaking.com.